Life, People, Thoughts, Travel

Perhaps; A Small Perhaps

Perhaps the word bleak best describes the humming of the engine mixed with the music from my headphones. The sounds swirling together becoming one continuous buzz that seems to be the sound track to something greater. 

I look down and see the clouds out the window looking more like snow capped mountains than anything else as the sun begins the rise. The hints of orange just touching the edges of the horizon. I dim my window again to block out the impending light that will steal the sleep from my weary mind. 

The flight is nearing half way, time seems to pass at a crawl now. I’m stuck in my seat due to the two sleeping passengers beside me. Little to no hope of ever getting out of my seat until they awaken or I decide I have a dire need to get out. For now I am content to just remain here. 

I watched The Great Gatsby. I had started reading the book long ago but it never captured my attention. Now the movie has my mind wondering over life and how what seems and what is are rarely the same thing. Trust is rarely a luxury that can be afforded to most and should only be found in the company of few. 

Perhaps the state in which I am cannot be explained by scenes or by words but by sounds. Music seems to picture the mood of a person far better than any pen or brush ever has. The poets, the painters, the great artists of times past all have a place but a sound, though it may not live forever, will capture a moment sometimes best of all. Perhaps really less a moment, as a brush paints a picture, but more a mood of a moment as can only be replicated by the ebb and flow of the rhythm and the melody intertwining together into something more than two parts. But in the end are one, together communicating what is meant to be heard by that which felt it originally. 

Words, written time and time again. Letters that can be found everywhere. A word travels through time from its birth and perhaps to its death. One word born today and another lost tomorrow. Endlessly through time they travel, bringing a message from the past and conveying it to the future.

~ BlondHeadedHunk ~ 

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Life, Personal Note, Thoughts

My Life, My Choice

One can’t always place what it is that keeps them awake and their mind busy. It’s like your mind is running wild while not disclosing what keeps it busy. Some trouble deep within stirs and keeps you tossing and turning wondering what’s wrong. Eventually you may come up with some “problem” that doesn’t exist but gives you solace that you understand yourself, only to learn that the “issue” isn’t even relevant. Thank you, brain, we all are greatful for your ability to over think life and keep us awake. Yet the troubles still swarm in my mind and keep my eyes from shutting. 

Aside from that, I find myself debating the next step in life. There are always options, but none ever pop out to you and say “pick me!” Despite weighing pros and cons and considering for hours and hours which would be best I am still at a loss for what to choose next. Maybe the answer is plane and the only thing holding me back is others opinions. 

Where is the balance between taking someone’s wisdom and following that and following what you think would be the best option? I’m sure some would say “follow your heart” while others would argue that the wisdom of others is invaluable. I am sure there is a balance between the two but it is lost on me. One choice leaves the opinions of others less than approving while the other choice is a general consensus of the correct choice. I know that in the end I am the one that must live with the choice though, and that’s where I am left to sit and ponder.

May the decisions come easy and the choices be rewarding. 

~ BlondHeadedHunk ~

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Advice, Color, Life, Thoughts

Tick Tock

Time ticks. Choices made. Life twisted and mangled into something we call days and weeks, months and years till our time ticks away and our choices are left to haunt our legacy. Left as a canvas, painted and left as a picture for those behind us to ponder. To change their own painting or to disregard and paint the same mistakes into their own pictures. 

Random thoughts on a random night.

~ BlondHeadedHunk ~

Color Inside the Lines

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Life, Motivation, Thoughts

Destiny

To some, it’s set, the cards are what they are and your destiny is set no matter what. To others, you make your own destiny, the choice is yours. In the end, I can’t say that I hold one view or the other. To me it seems that life kind of happens how it happens but at the same time the choices you make shape where your life goes. So maybe I would say it’s a little of both, you make choices that influence your destiny and at the same time, some things will happen no matter what you choose. 

Recently I came to a crossroads, I made a choice and the longer I stayed with that choice the less I liked it. It didn’t seem like it was really working out. None of the puzzle pieces were falling into place the way they needed to. Doors seemed to be shutting in my face everywhere I turned and yet while doors were shutting in one place there were doors opening in an entirely different place. New opportunities, new possibilities that seemed to be brilliant and awaiting me to seize them. So I chose again. 

Where will this choice lead me? I don’t know. What I do know is that life is full of options and opportunities that so many times we let pass by us. I challenge you, don’t let them slip past you any longer. Seize the day! 

~ BlondHeadedHunk ~

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Friends, Life, Personal Note, Stress

Photograph

I’m almost done working in California. It’s been a good trip. I’ve learned a lot. Weird how life changes. I reconnected with an old friend while I was here and we went from not talking to talking a lot and being good friends. Now we talk but our friendship evolved a lot while I was here. Things never stay the same no matter how hard you try to keep them. We constantly evolve from day to day, usually it’s a slow change that you might not notice till you look back over the days, weeks, and months and see where you started and where you are now. Sometimes the change is good, sometimes bad and sometimes neither. Change is definitely inevitable though. 

Now I sit on the back patio looking forward to the next part of my journey and worn out from the stress of the last week. This has nothing to do with any of what I have said but I miss having a connection with someone. I have friends but I don’t have the deep connection with anyone like I used to have…I guess even that comes and goes at times. Nothing stays the same. Friends, work, things, they all fade like photographs. 

I’m tired. Very tired. I need the break I soon will have. 

Goodnight peeps, have an awesome week. It’ll be over before you know it so savor everyday because tomorrow is different. 

~BlondeHeadedHunk~

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Abstract, Life, People

Journey of Self

I thought to redefine self. Not yourself, myself. Perhaps it will be almost crushed and its very core burned to ashes in the process. The process is brutal, painful. Self needs purification so that it can be more than myself or yourself but ourselves. 

When said “Out with the Old and in with the New” what is that, to “self”? The mere thought of changing oneself is both awesome and terrifying. Before you can get the old out and the new in you must know yourself for who you truly are. The truth is painful, like bullets tearing through, as you look deep into your very soul. The light can only shine through the bullet holes left in your eyes. 

When ones honesty and faith are all but taken and lost, what is left behind? Maybe it’s a thought to deep to understand. Without these elements can I redefine myself? Can I even begin to know who I am…the fight to get both of these traits back is long and grueling and leaves me wondering if I will ever find that self I sought to understand. 

Self is broken by spirit, a constant fight back and forth, one trying to rule over the other. 

Talking is but a dull pain in ones side and thinking, like that of wading through water. The feat of taking step after step takes more resolve than climbing the highest mountain. The pain of pushing forward pulls against me like the undertow of the ocean trying to pull me under and wash me away where I will not return. 

When your face can no longer smile and soul can no longer breath from the toxins that float on the breath of every word you hear. The poison fills my blood, my body, the very essence that myself is built of seems saturated and pulls me deeper and deeper into a darkness so thick. Right, wrong, good, bad, all are lost to me. I gasp for pure air but all around me the world closes in. Will I ever understand self and find peace? My bones ache from frozen pain and bruises black from self rotting away as the poisons course through ever fiber of me. I will waste away and never know myself. 

Yet, somehow, the Stars still glow and the sky still blazes blue. The hue of a reflection; a simple wave of understanding. A thoughtful action, an endless meaning, but what lies in the darkness waiting for me in my journey is far to fearful to face alone. Am I a life stuck, walking, and lost forever in Limbo? 

Can a life stop at a Rest Haven? Can my journey lead me to such a place away from this pain and suffering. A place where spirits and sorrows intertwine together in a beautiful yet horrifying collision of dreams and nightmares…

~BlondeHeadedHunk~

Credit: This post was adapted by a submission from ~Malachi~ 

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Girls, Humor, Life, Personal Note, Relationships

Don’t You Remember?

I am not a parent. Just want to make that clear right off hand, I am not particularly interested in having kids, at least not anytime soon. However, a friend of mine was talking to me tonight and it seems that when your a teenager and you have a guy/girl you like there is no end to the issues you can get from parents. At least conservative parents. No matter how “By the book” you try to do it, they always come up with some reason that you can’t go out or that you shouldn’t date this guy or that girl and the list goes on. They were kids once too, why does it seem that they can’t remember what that was like? Their crazy dating days where who knows what they did. Of course its all too likely that the reason they object so much is they do remember those days. On the flip side, did they listen when they were told not to do what they are telling you not to do? Probably not. Now my entire goal here, originally, was to sort of ask why can’t parents remember those days and cut some slack. It seems like they forget what it was like to be a kid, to want to go out and hang with your significant other. Go on a dinner date, go to a movie, whatever it is. However, I have a hard time arguing that in some ways because I tend to believe that they are telling us not to do what ever it is because they don’t want to see us get hurt and jaded by the people in our lives that claim to be such great people. They want us to learn from their mistakes, but who can really learn from another persons mistakes? Even if we claim that we did, how likely is it that in a few years, or whenever it is that we have the choice, we won’t go out and do exactly what we were told not to and learn ourselves. I say its inevitable. I am willing to bet that everyone reading this has done something that a parent or colleague told you not to do because they had tried it and it didn’t go well. Could be anything from mixing the wrong alcohol, driving down that street or ordering that food at a restaurant cause whats better than hearing from someone? Doing it and finding out the result.

In a way I guess we are scientist in our own way. Mix this that and the other and boom! It exploded just like we were told, but now we know for sure. Now we won’t try it again because a mistake made and a lesson learned is far easier to adhere to than a mistake not made and a lesson told. So, dearest parents, why can’t you seem to remember that sometimes? You know what the result will most likely be, and I’m sure you are hoping that your kids aren’t just like you and that they will listen. However, this is not a perfect world and those are not perfect kids and I bet they will go and do it anyway.

Now I am not referring to your 6 yr. old that you told not to touch the stove (Although they are going to do that too) but I am talking more about teenagers. I know, awful people, truly the damned worst thing ever, but still they exist (I barely just made it out of that realm so I speak somewhat for myself in saying this). Life is what it is and all we really want is to go on a date with our significant other. So what gives? Where is the line between “You are going to die if you go out” and “Do whatever you want honey, its your life”. I don’t disclaim the fact that guidance is necessary but innocent fun can also be a necessity at times. Let me go, let me enjoy my evening and I will be back at 11pm sharp oh astute parent. All jokes aside though, maybe a little understanding would be great “Listen honey, I know you think you know it all but I just want to say that I will be putting a tracker on you and there is a can of mace in your left jacket pocket. If he touches you then spray him and send me a message. I will come pick you up.” I don’t know, give some sort of alternative? “Tell your man thing to come to the house and we can all watch a movie together” is not what I call an alternative, thats just humiliating torture. Sorry to say, no one wants to meet you right away. Most likely we will only go out a few times, a few months at the most so why get you all involved at this point? Then you want an explanation for why we broke up when honestly all I want to do is curl up in a ball in my room and mope for a week about how awful of a person they were. Just try to see my point of view and I will try to see yours and in the end maybe we can all live happily ever after as parent and child and I can have some fun and we can reminisce about the memories later. I will tell you that you were probably right and I made a mistake, but for now I am not going to admit that.

Your Kid

~BlondHeadedHunk~

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