Life, Personal Note, Thoughts

My Life, My Choice

One can’t always place what it is that keeps them awake and their mind busy. It’s like your mind is running wild while not disclosing what keeps it busy. Some trouble deep within stirs and keeps you tossing and turning wondering what’s wrong. Eventually you may come up with some “problem” that doesn’t exist but gives you solace that you understand yourself, only to learn that the “issue” isn’t even relevant. Thank you, brain, we all are greatful for your ability to over think life and keep us awake. Yet the troubles still swarm in my mind and keep my eyes from shutting. 

Aside from that, I find myself debating the next step in life. There are always options, but none ever pop out to you and say “pick me!” Despite weighing pros and cons and considering for hours and hours which would be best I am still at a loss for what to choose next. Maybe the answer is plane and the only thing holding me back is others opinions. 

Where is the balance between taking someone’s wisdom and following that and following what you think would be the best option? I’m sure some would say “follow your heart” while others would argue that the wisdom of others is invaluable. I am sure there is a balance between the two but it is lost on me. One choice leaves the opinions of others less than approving while the other choice is a general consensus of the correct choice. I know that in the end I am the one that must live with the choice though, and that’s where I am left to sit and ponder.

May the decisions come easy and the choices be rewarding. 

~ BlondHeadedHunk ~

Standard
Personal Note, Thoughts

Journey

Many times life takes us to places we don’t like. The journey can be tedious and tiresome until we look back and all of a sudden we see that the situation we hated is exactly what we needed. 

I’m at the end of one journey and moving onto the next. California has been good to me and I hope to return soon. In the meantime, you’ve taught me a lot and I will take that knowledge wherever I go. 

When I got here I knew very little about producing music but while being here YouTube has taught me a lot and I have been privileged to work on 3 separate albums as well as helping a friend of mine make her first single. I’m proud of what I’ve learned and been able to put into my work. Even if it’s trivial beginner things during the mixing process or adding effects, I have contributed to something that will last a lifetime. 

Live sound was a struggle all in itself and not my favorite though I had some prior experience but this has presented its own struggles or interpreting what I hear to what the audience wants to hear.

May these skills carry onto a successful carrier! See you soon Cali!

~BlondHeadedHunk~

P.S. Next stop Washington State!

Standard
Friends, Life, Personal Note, Stress

Photograph

I’m almost done working in California. It’s been a good trip. I’ve learned a lot. Weird how life changes. I reconnected with an old friend while I was here and we went from not talking to talking a lot and being good friends. Now we talk but our friendship evolved a lot while I was here. Things never stay the same no matter how hard you try to keep them. We constantly evolve from day to day, usually it’s a slow change that you might not notice till you look back over the days, weeks, and months and see where you started and where you are now. Sometimes the change is good, sometimes bad and sometimes neither. Change is definitely inevitable though. 

Now I sit on the back patio looking forward to the next part of my journey and worn out from the stress of the last week. This has nothing to do with any of what I have said but I miss having a connection with someone. I have friends but I don’t have the deep connection with anyone like I used to have…I guess even that comes and goes at times. Nothing stays the same. Friends, work, things, they all fade like photographs. 

I’m tired. Very tired. I need the break I soon will have. 

Goodnight peeps, have an awesome week. It’ll be over before you know it so savor everyday because tomorrow is different. 

~BlondeHeadedHunk~

Standard
Abstract, Personal Note, Relationships, Thoughts

Inspirational Demons

We all have those things we do that we are ashamed of. When I am alone sometimes I sit and think about the things I do and wonder why. Obviously non of us are perfect, sometimes I wish I was…you meet someone who you want to be a better person for. That person that you don’t deserve cause they seem perfect. Beautiful, kind, a passion for others and then there is me. It’s easy to get caught in those thoughts and want to tell them that they are better off without you. Then at the same time you don’t want to be without them so you try to fix yourself. Try to be a better version of you for that perfect person, it’s a hard fight to fight alone. Eventually you lose, they see you for you and some stay and some leave. Some try to help you fight but it’s my fight, how do you fight my fight? How can you understand my struggle if it’s not yours. Maybe thats the thing that’s perfect, you want me to be a better me. You are here to help me, support me and strengthen me. You don’t even know what I’m talking about, my fight is my fight. My guilt is my guilt and you can’t change that. I can’t change that. 

I want to be a better person for you, that’s what we all need. Someone to live for, someone to be better for. Someone who we love enough that the love changes us. Melts our cold hearts and strengthens it so we both feel and fight at the same time.

Riddles. It’s all fake. My words, my thoughts, my mind. It all counters itself to find a way to say something without saying it. 

Fear. The thing we fight against but it chases us day to day so we run. 

Strength. What I think I have but maybe I’m weak and strength is the face I wear to hide my weakness and fear. 

Worthy. What I want to be, but am not really. 

Love. The thing I think I understand but in reality have no clue what it actually means. 

Advice. What I pretend to give, what you think I have, when I’m just a fool performing for a myself to make me smile. 

Wisdom. My mind is a pool of thoughts that mean nothing and help no one. 

Stupidity. What is most likely the root of my entire life and controls my actions. 

Direction. I don’t have it. My compass is broken, there is north, there is south.

Challenge. What does that even mean? How do you challenge someone you don’t know? You can’t challenge an idea that doesn’t make sense, you can pretend to but in reality you are just making a fool of yourself entirely. 

Fake. The opposite of what I try to be. I think being fake is the root of misunderstandings and idiocricy. If you begin there then everything beyond that is a lie that will one day crumble and bury you in the rubble of what’s left. 

~BlondHeadedHunk~

Standard
Girls, Humor, Life, Personal Note, Relationships

Don’t You Remember?

I am not a parent. Just want to make that clear right off hand, I am not particularly interested in having kids, at least not anytime soon. However, a friend of mine was talking to me tonight and it seems that when your a teenager and you have a guy/girl you like there is no end to the issues you can get from parents. At least conservative parents. No matter how “By the book” you try to do it, they always come up with some reason that you can’t go out or that you shouldn’t date this guy or that girl and the list goes on. They were kids once too, why does it seem that they can’t remember what that was like? Their crazy dating days where who knows what they did. Of course its all too likely that the reason they object so much is they do remember those days. On the flip side, did they listen when they were told not to do what they are telling you not to do? Probably not. Now my entire goal here, originally, was to sort of ask why can’t parents remember those days and cut some slack. It seems like they forget what it was like to be a kid, to want to go out and hang with your significant other. Go on a dinner date, go to a movie, whatever it is. However, I have a hard time arguing that in some ways because I tend to believe that they are telling us not to do what ever it is because they don’t want to see us get hurt and jaded by the people in our lives that claim to be such great people. They want us to learn from their mistakes, but who can really learn from another persons mistakes? Even if we claim that we did, how likely is it that in a few years, or whenever it is that we have the choice, we won’t go out and do exactly what we were told not to and learn ourselves. I say its inevitable. I am willing to bet that everyone reading this has done something that a parent or colleague told you not to do because they had tried it and it didn’t go well. Could be anything from mixing the wrong alcohol, driving down that street or ordering that food at a restaurant cause whats better than hearing from someone? Doing it and finding out the result.

In a way I guess we are scientist in our own way. Mix this that and the other and boom! It exploded just like we were told, but now we know for sure. Now we won’t try it again because a mistake made and a lesson learned is far easier to adhere to than a mistake not made and a lesson told. So, dearest parents, why can’t you seem to remember that sometimes? You know what the result will most likely be, and I’m sure you are hoping that your kids aren’t just like you and that they will listen. However, this is not a perfect world and those are not perfect kids and I bet they will go and do it anyway.

Now I am not referring to your 6 yr. old that you told not to touch the stove (Although they are going to do that too) but I am talking more about teenagers. I know, awful people, truly the damned worst thing ever, but still they exist (I barely just made it out of that realm so I speak somewhat for myself in saying this). Life is what it is and all we really want is to go on a date with our significant other. So what gives? Where is the line between “You are going to die if you go out” and “Do whatever you want honey, its your life”. I don’t disclaim the fact that guidance is necessary but innocent fun can also be a necessity at times. Let me go, let me enjoy my evening and I will be back at 11pm sharp oh astute parent. All jokes aside though, maybe a little understanding would be great “Listen honey, I know you think you know it all but I just want to say that I will be putting a tracker on you and there is a can of mace in your left jacket pocket. If he touches you then spray him and send me a message. I will come pick you up.” I don’t know, give some sort of alternative? “Tell your man thing to come to the house and we can all watch a movie together” is not what I call an alternative, thats just humiliating torture. Sorry to say, no one wants to meet you right away. Most likely we will only go out a few times, a few months at the most so why get you all involved at this point? Then you want an explanation for why we broke up when honestly all I want to do is curl up in a ball in my room and mope for a week about how awful of a person they were. Just try to see my point of view and I will try to see yours and in the end maybe we can all live happily ever after as parent and child and I can have some fun and we can reminisce about the memories later. I will tell you that you were probably right and I made a mistake, but for now I am not going to admit that.

Your Kid

~BlondHeadedHunk~

Standard
Forgiveness, Friends, People, Word of the Reader

Mercy

I couldn’t wait on this post, there’s a lot I could say here.

Most might see mercy and think of the literal meaning of mercy, however when I think of mercy I think of a healer. Restoration comes to mind, mercy from someone can not only heal you but can boost you to new heights. It can power you up to be a better person. To fight harder, longer and with more strength for them than if they only gave you one chance. 

Mercy, a play on words to some, and some of you have no idea what I mean. You see, I am a gamer as well as a blogger and one of my favorite titles is Overwatch. Mercy is a healer and can be the difference between life and death. In fact, I want to take a moment and give Mal a shoutout for being the best mercy I have ever played with in Overwatch! I actually became friends with her when playing 3v3 and got her on my team as a random person and she was such a good mercy that we became friends. So if you play overwatch (Xbox only) and need an awesome healer you might see if you can snag her! Besides being an awesome Mercy (and anything else she plays) Mal is the first person to comment on my most recent post, so thank you for being an avid reader of my blog! Your the best! 

Deeper though, mercy can restore you in real life, when you mess up sometimes it is easy to beat yourself up. You forgot your girlfriends anniversary, forgot your little boys soccer game, or maybe you completely messed up and made the unforgivable mistake (whatever that might be). Immediately, when you realize it, it’s easy to be the one who kicks yourself even lower until you feel like less of a human than the dirt you walk on. At that moment, when mercy is showed you by the right person, it brings you back up. They remind you that you’re still important to them, they heal you and help you remember you mean something to them more than the small act you forgot to do or the mistake you made.

~BlondHeadedHunk~

Standard
Personal Note, Reading, Thoughts

Here’s to You!

Today was a monumental day for my blog! I hit the most views I have ever had! Thank you everyone for reading, y’all are awesome and I love every one of you! 

So in honor, I’m going to write a little something that I don’t normally write so here we go; (confession I have no clue how to use semicolons. I think they are dumb and shouldn’t be part of the English language) 

So recently I came to California to do some audio visual work with my brother and today we got an iMac, needless to say I was completely thrilled. I’ve been using an old MacBook Pro and it’s terribly slow for the kind of processing power I need to do my work. So today was a pretty great day all around, I was able to set up the Mac and ontop of that I decided to enroll in a master class to get a better handle on producing EDM music. It’s something I’ve been considering for awhile and today I decided to go ahead with it. I’ve never learned to play instruments but I have done lots of music and so EDM is my best chance at producing my own songs. I think I am better at writing than making beats but once I get good I’ll put some on here for your scrutiny and enjoyment.

After that I went to play tennis and froze to death. I couldn’t feel my hands when I was done but my team won both games so it didn’t matter. Now I am relaxing in my warm bed and jamming to some music.

I’m looking for some new subjects to write about in this new year and I want you guys to tell me what you want me to write about. All I need is one word, my post yesterday came from a friend telling me to write about pressure. So what do you want me to write about? Whoever comments first will get a shoutout at the end of tomorrow’s blog. And if I don’t get any comments then I’m going to see if I can get a good friend of mine to write an article on words. So what do you want to hear? Me or her? Words or something different? 

Also I’ve been thinking about starting to use a cover image with each post and want to know what you guys think. Cover image or not? Cast your votes and I will continue in accordance with popular vote. 

Once again, everyone who reads my posts is the reason I write and I want to thank everyone who has recently followed and those who have been following for awhile now. Keep reading, I love seeing that my writing is being seen by someone! I look forward to many more posts to come this year!

~BlondHeadedHunk~

Standard