We all have those things we do that we are ashamed of. When I am alone sometimes I sit and think about the things I do and wonder why. Obviously non of us are perfect, sometimes I wish I was…you meet someone who you want to be a better person for. That person that you don’t deserve cause they seem perfect. Beautiful, kind, a passion for others and then there is me. It’s easy to get caught in those thoughts and want to tell them that they are better off without you. Then at the same time you don’t want to be without them so you try to fix yourself. Try to be a better version of you for that perfect person, it’s a hard fight to fight alone. Eventually you lose, they see you for you and some stay and some leave. Some try to help you fight but it’s my fight, how do you fight my fight? How can you understand my struggle if it’s not yours. Maybe thats the thing that’s perfect, you want me to be a better me. You are here to help me, support me and strengthen me. You don’t even know what I’m talking about, my fight is my fight. My guilt is my guilt and you can’t change that. I can’t change that.
I want to be a better person for you, that’s what we all need. Someone to live for, someone to be better for. Someone who we love enough that the love changes us. Melts our cold hearts and strengthens it so we both feel and fight at the same time.
Riddles. It’s all fake. My words, my thoughts, my mind. It all counters itself to find a way to say something without saying it.
Fear. The thing we fight against but it chases us day to day so we run.
Strength. What I think I have but maybe I’m weak and strength is the face I wear to hide my weakness and fear.
Worthy. What I want to be, but am not really.
Love. The thing I think I understand but in reality have no clue what it actually means.
Advice. What I pretend to give, what you think I have, when I’m just a fool performing for a myself to make me smile.
Wisdom. My mind is a pool of thoughts that mean nothing and help no one.
Stupidity. What is most likely the root of my entire life and controls my actions.
Direction. I don’t have it. My compass is broken, there is north, there is south.
Challenge. What does that even mean? How do you challenge someone you don’t know? You can’t challenge an idea that doesn’t make sense, you can pretend to but in reality you are just making a fool of yourself entirely.
Fake. The opposite of what I try to be. I think being fake is the root of misunderstandings and idiocricy. If you begin there then everything beyond that is a lie that will one day crumble and bury you in the rubble of what’s left.