Abstract, Personal Note, Relationships, Thoughts

Inspirational Demons

We all have those things we do that we are ashamed of. When I am alone sometimes I sit and think about the things I do and wonder why. Obviously non of us are perfect, sometimes I wish I was…you meet someone who you want to be a better person for. That person that you don’t deserve cause they seem perfect. Beautiful, kind, a passion for others and then there is me. It’s easy to get caught in those thoughts and want to tell them that they are better off without you. Then at the same time you don’t want to be without them so you try to fix yourself. Try to be a better version of you for that perfect person, it’s a hard fight to fight alone. Eventually you lose, they see you for you and some stay and some leave. Some try to help you fight but it’s my fight, how do you fight my fight? How can you understand my struggle if it’s not yours. Maybe thats the thing that’s perfect, you want me to be a better me. You are here to help me, support me and strengthen me. You don’t even know what I’m talking about, my fight is my fight. My guilt is my guilt and you can’t change that. I can’t change that. 

I want to be a better person for you, that’s what we all need. Someone to live for, someone to be better for. Someone who we love enough that the love changes us. Melts our cold hearts and strengthens it so we both feel and fight at the same time.

Riddles. It’s all fake. My words, my thoughts, my mind. It all counters itself to find a way to say something without saying it. 

Fear. The thing we fight against but it chases us day to day so we run. 

Strength. What I think I have but maybe I’m weak and strength is the face I wear to hide my weakness and fear. 

Worthy. What I want to be, but am not really. 

Love. The thing I think I understand but in reality have no clue what it actually means. 

Advice. What I pretend to give, what you think I have, when I’m just a fool performing for a myself to make me smile. 

Wisdom. My mind is a pool of thoughts that mean nothing and help no one. 

Stupidity. What is most likely the root of my entire life and controls my actions. 

Direction. I don’t have it. My compass is broken, there is north, there is south.

Challenge. What does that even mean? How do you challenge someone you don’t know? You can’t challenge an idea that doesn’t make sense, you can pretend to but in reality you are just making a fool of yourself entirely. 

Fake. The opposite of what I try to be. I think being fake is the root of misunderstandings and idiocricy. If you begin there then everything beyond that is a lie that will one day crumble and bury you in the rubble of what’s left. 

~BlondHeadedHunk~

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Girls, Humor, Life, Personal Note, Relationships

Don’t You Remember?

I am not a parent. Just want to make that clear right off hand, I am not particularly interested in having kids, at least not anytime soon. However, a friend of mine was talking to me tonight and it seems that when your a teenager and you have a guy/girl you like there is no end to the issues you can get from parents. At least conservative parents. No matter how “By the book” you try to do it, they always come up with some reason that you can’t go out or that you shouldn’t date this guy or that girl and the list goes on. They were kids once too, why does it seem that they can’t remember what that was like? Their crazy dating days where who knows what they did. Of course its all too likely that the reason they object so much is they do remember those days. On the flip side, did they listen when they were told not to do what they are telling you not to do? Probably not. Now my entire goal here, originally, was to sort of ask why can’t parents remember those days and cut some slack. It seems like they forget what it was like to be a kid, to want to go out and hang with your significant other. Go on a dinner date, go to a movie, whatever it is. However, I have a hard time arguing that in some ways because I tend to believe that they are telling us not to do what ever it is because they don’t want to see us get hurt and jaded by the people in our lives that claim to be such great people. They want us to learn from their mistakes, but who can really learn from another persons mistakes? Even if we claim that we did, how likely is it that in a few years, or whenever it is that we have the choice, we won’t go out and do exactly what we were told not to and learn ourselves. I say its inevitable. I am willing to bet that everyone reading this has done something that a parent or colleague told you not to do because they had tried it and it didn’t go well. Could be anything from mixing the wrong alcohol, driving down that street or ordering that food at a restaurant cause whats better than hearing from someone? Doing it and finding out the result.

In a way I guess we are scientist in our own way. Mix this that and the other and boom! It exploded just like we were told, but now we know for sure. Now we won’t try it again because a mistake made and a lesson learned is far easier to adhere to than a mistake not made and a lesson told. So, dearest parents, why can’t you seem to remember that sometimes? You know what the result will most likely be, and I’m sure you are hoping that your kids aren’t just like you and that they will listen. However, this is not a perfect world and those are not perfect kids and I bet they will go and do it anyway.

Now I am not referring to your 6 yr. old that you told not to touch the stove (Although they are going to do that too) but I am talking more about teenagers. I know, awful people, truly the damned worst thing ever, but still they exist (I barely just made it out of that realm so I speak somewhat for myself in saying this). Life is what it is and all we really want is to go on a date with our significant other. So what gives? Where is the line between “You are going to die if you go out” and “Do whatever you want honey, its your life”. I don’t disclaim the fact that guidance is necessary but innocent fun can also be a necessity at times. Let me go, let me enjoy my evening and I will be back at 11pm sharp oh astute parent. All jokes aside though, maybe a little understanding would be great “Listen honey, I know you think you know it all but I just want to say that I will be putting a tracker on you and there is a can of mace in your left jacket pocket. If he touches you then spray him and send me a message. I will come pick you up.” I don’t know, give some sort of alternative? “Tell your man thing to come to the house and we can all watch a movie together” is not what I call an alternative, thats just humiliating torture. Sorry to say, no one wants to meet you right away. Most likely we will only go out a few times, a few months at the most so why get you all involved at this point? Then you want an explanation for why we broke up when honestly all I want to do is curl up in a ball in my room and mope for a week about how awful of a person they were. Just try to see my point of view and I will try to see yours and in the end maybe we can all live happily ever after as parent and child and I can have some fun and we can reminisce about the memories later. I will tell you that you were probably right and I made a mistake, but for now I am not going to admit that.

Your Kid

~BlondHeadedHunk~

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Advice, Color, People, Thoughts

Colors of Life

I think life is vibrant, despite its disparity, it has great possibility. It’s all about how you look at it. Happiness is a choice and is dependent upon what you choose, not on what others do. It is not cause and effect; in the sense someone else causes and you are effected. Rather you cause and effect your own happiness and enjoyment of life. There are repercussion of your choices and those repercussions can effect those around you but they begin with you in the simplest form. There are times you cannot choose or it is very difficult to choose at least. However I do think happiness is somewhat relative to us vs. based on someone else. Even depression for some isn’t based on someone else. Its not something you can change always but it is still relative to you, not coming from another source all together. I think its far to easy to blame others for our problems and make them the cause of, what in our eyes, is a deplorable existence on a doomed planet.

I am currently in a situation where I can’t say I always choose to be happy and honestly I hate to admit that its even a choice at all because that means I can change it. However if you are honest with yourself 100% and really stop to look at why you are unhappy, can you honestly blame it on someone else? Maybe right off hand you can say “Yes I can, my ex did this to me” or “My boss said this today” but that means you have no opportunity in life to choose your own destiny. It is all someone else’s choice for us. That leaves you powerless and destined to ride out your days in the hands of someone who you may or may not entirely hate (or strongly dislike).

I may have said all this before in some form or another but with being in the place I am now where I have to basically choose on a daily basis to be happy it brings the idea back around. Yes there are times when things happen and maybe you will spend a day or to upset, sad, seeing no colors in your life from day to day but eventually that pain subsides. For some they can push the pain away sooner than others, move on, let go, feel the happiness shine in like the sun on a rainy day. Some feel that the pain is a way of healing perhaps, or a part of the healing process. I can’t speak for all, I can only speak for me. I tend to cut the ties, cut the pain, cut the heartbreak and move on quickly. I don’t enjoy hurting (unless its a rainy day and I’m lying in bed listening to sad music, then it can feel kinda nice to revel in the pain and disparity) but I do my best to move on from it. I’m not telling you how to live your life or even trying to give you a magic antidote. As always its just another opinion I figured I would throw out to the world to read and come to your own conclusion.

Let the grey go, lets the colors in. Life is full of them, you just have to let them shine through.

~BlondHeadedHunk~

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Friends, Friendships, Life, People, Thoughts

Little Things

It’s amazing how the simple things in life are really what makes life. The laughs with friends about gifs, random late night talks and the deep thoughts you connect on. When someone buys you a coffee or goes with you to dinner. When someone tells you they enjoyed what you wrote or appreciated the seemingly unnoticed thing you did. All the little things add up and make life really enjoyable and worthwhile. 

It seems like these days people forget that, the world is constantly upset about something and never can seem to pause and realize that amongst all the bad there is still good things happening everyday. When was the last time you did something small then brighten someone else’s day? Could be an extra tip to your waitress/waiter or paying for the coffee of the person behind you in the drive through. Could be just telling someone thank you or giving them a small compliment. If everyone did this I think the world would be a better place to live, more enjoyable, healthier, happier and all around just less negative. I’m grateful for the people in my life, are you? I don’t know if I tell them enough but nonetheless I try to make their day a little better in some way. Life is give and take, the more you put in the more you get out. Maybe you should give a little so you can get a little. Not every road is a one way street, turn down the ones you can and blast your happiness to those that live on it. Let them know you want to help them and I’m sure they will one day help you. So thank you to everyone who not only reads my posts but to my friends who encourage me everyday to continue writing. Shoutout to the GingerGirl and Mal and so many others, you guys keep me posting and I know I just recently did kind of a thank you post but tonight I realize how important it is to have great friends. Keep loving, laughing and giving y’all! 

~BlondHeadedHunk~

P.S. I will be working on a couple posts this week but if anyone has something they want me to write about, please comment. Not gonna lie, my brains been runnin a bit dry.

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Advice, Life, Motivation, Thoughts, Travel

Don’t Think, Do It!

Sometimes it takes us getting to the point where we aren’t thinking about what we are doing before we can actually do it. Some of my best creativity has come from late at night talking to friends and I am so tired and so worn out but I can’t sleep and from that comes my imagination and creativity spilling through. I don’t analyze what I am writing the way I might when I am more awake. I just write. The ideas flow freely without me thinking they are too outlandish or to ridiculous. I don’t judge my work as much and sometimes from that comes greatness.

Some of the most daring things in life are things we have to do without second guessing them. Even though they are the most daring usually they will give us the best, longest lasting memories of all. When a friend asks us to go skydiving, cliff jumping or whatever else might kind of scare you, don’t worry about it. Go out there and do it, be awesome, be spontaneous, be crazy, be you. Don’t let your mind change the experiences of life by sitting and thinking about all the reasons you aren’t sure if you want to try it when deep down you know you want to.

The next step in my life is currently unknown to me, I don’t really make plans most of the time but I will say that whatever it is, it’s going to be a big step. I want to move west, I live in the east but now is the best time to do it because. I don’t have anything left in the east really, and there are lots of obstacles in the way between me and that move. Money, a place to stay, deciding exactly where I want to go. But the key to this all is taking the first step, start the journey and you never know where you might end up. Be rational but be adventurous!

In the words of Shia Labeouf “Just do it! Don’t Let your dreams be dreams!”

~BlondHeadedHunk~

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Abstract, Life

Uncertain Abyss

Today has provided me with nothing to write about, but somewhere in the depths of my mind I think I’ve come up with a picture of what I currently am thinking, or not thinking. So whether this is of interest to you or not, I can’t say I have any deep meaning to it. It’s just a picture of my mind. Hope everyone has had a fantastic Saturday night! Enjoy the read!

Walking circles through a seemingly endless abyss. There has to be a way out of here somewhere…light, I see light. I walk towards it only to find that I’ve walked in another circle. Where is the way out? It has to be here somewhere. How did I get here? I can’t remember. I try to retrace my steps, maybe if I walk the other way I will find a way out. No, I’ve seen this before. If only I could go in a straight line it would be so much easier. Eventually I sit down in the middle of the abyss and give up. I can’t make it out, I’ll never make it out of the circle. It has me trapped in its depths, playing tricks on my mind showing me something new that isn’t there. Is this a battle of my mind or my body? My sense of direction or a psychological war between me and the abyss…maybe it’s neither or maybe it’s both. Maybe I will never know or maybe the answer is somewhere deep within me. I attempt to focus my energy on finding the answer within myself but to no avail. There is no one to ask how to get out and no way to contact anyone outside because the abyss blocks everything. Wait, is that the key? If I can’t speak with anyone what makes this abyss so powerful? Again I focus my energy inside, clinging to that singular thought searching for the source. A darkness grows, thicker and thicker, my mind seems consumed by it. It drinks my creativity, my knowledge, my thoughts…stillness. I need to be still, to be empty so the void has nothing to feed on. I push the thoughts out, the worries, the futile attempts at solving the issue. The darknesss seems confused, it begins shrinking, nothing to feed its hunger. Nothing more for it to find as I create an abyss of my own for it to get lost in. I continue to meditate on the stillness, on nothing. The cloud shrinks further, its tendrils pulled in as it loses the strength and will to go on. It seems to find its own circles to walk and at that moment I crush the abyss. Fighting it as though wielding a sword, slashing, cutting. There is light inside of it, the knowledge I need to gain freedom again. It attempts to fight back but has nothing to fight with as I have emptied its cage, it tries to run but doesn’t seem to know where to go. Pulsing darkness, like the beat of a heart, it weakens as it uses its energy to fight back my attacks. The light grows stronger from within, I feed on it, my attacks grow in intensity and lethality as its defenses weaken. With a final shriek of horror the darkness abates leaving the answer behind. Freedom. I have found the answer, it is neither forward nor backwards it is a winding path that I must walk to set myself free. One filled with peril but one I know I will survive, the darkness cannot reach me any longer. It will be back but this time I will know how to fight it, this time I will beat it much sooner. Someday it will never return. 

Tired ~BlondHeadedHunk~ 

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Forgiveness, Friends, People, Word of the Reader

Mercy

I couldn’t wait on this post, there’s a lot I could say here.

Most might see mercy and think of the literal meaning of mercy, however when I think of mercy I think of a healer. Restoration comes to mind, mercy from someone can not only heal you but can boost you to new heights. It can power you up to be a better person. To fight harder, longer and with more strength for them than if they only gave you one chance. 

Mercy, a play on words to some, and some of you have no idea what I mean. You see, I am a gamer as well as a blogger and one of my favorite titles is Overwatch. Mercy is a healer and can be the difference between life and death. In fact, I want to take a moment and give Mal a shoutout for being the best mercy I have ever played with in Overwatch! I actually became friends with her when playing 3v3 and got her on my team as a random person and she was such a good mercy that we became friends. So if you play overwatch (Xbox only) and need an awesome healer you might see if you can snag her! Besides being an awesome Mercy (and anything else she plays) Mal is the first person to comment on my most recent post, so thank you for being an avid reader of my blog! Your the best! 

Deeper though, mercy can restore you in real life, when you mess up sometimes it is easy to beat yourself up. You forgot your girlfriends anniversary, forgot your little boys soccer game, or maybe you completely messed up and made the unforgivable mistake (whatever that might be). Immediately, when you realize it, it’s easy to be the one who kicks yourself even lower until you feel like less of a human than the dirt you walk on. At that moment, when mercy is showed you by the right person, it brings you back up. They remind you that you’re still important to them, they heal you and help you remember you mean something to them more than the small act you forgot to do or the mistake you made.

~BlondHeadedHunk~

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