Abstract, Personal Note, Relationships, Thoughts

Inspirational Demons

We all have those things we do that we are ashamed of. When I am alone sometimes I sit and think about the things I do and wonder why. Obviously non of us are perfect, sometimes I wish I was…you meet someone who you want to be a better person for. That person that you don’t deserve cause they seem perfect. Beautiful, kind, a passion for others and then there is me. It’s easy to get caught in those thoughts and want to tell them that they are better off without you. Then at the same time you don’t want to be without them so you try to fix yourself. Try to be a better version of you for that perfect person, it’s a hard fight to fight alone. Eventually you lose, they see you for you and some stay and some leave. Some try to help you fight but it’s my fight, how do you fight my fight? How can you understand my struggle if it’s not yours. Maybe thats the thing that’s perfect, you want me to be a better me. You are here to help me, support me and strengthen me. You don’t even know what I’m talking about, my fight is my fight. My guilt is my guilt and you can’t change that. I can’t change that. 

I want to be a better person for you, that’s what we all need. Someone to live for, someone to be better for. Someone who we love enough that the love changes us. Melts our cold hearts and strengthens it so we both feel and fight at the same time.

Riddles. It’s all fake. My words, my thoughts, my mind. It all counters itself to find a way to say something without saying it. 

Fear. The thing we fight against but it chases us day to day so we run. 

Strength. What I think I have but maybe I’m weak and strength is the face I wear to hide my weakness and fear. 

Worthy. What I want to be, but am not really. 

Love. The thing I think I understand but in reality have no clue what it actually means. 

Advice. What I pretend to give, what you think I have, when I’m just a fool performing for a myself to make me smile. 

Wisdom. My mind is a pool of thoughts that mean nothing and help no one. 

Stupidity. What is most likely the root of my entire life and controls my actions. 

Direction. I don’t have it. My compass is broken, there is north, there is south.

Challenge. What does that even mean? How do you challenge someone you don’t know? You can’t challenge an idea that doesn’t make sense, you can pretend to but in reality you are just making a fool of yourself entirely. 

Fake. The opposite of what I try to be. I think being fake is the root of misunderstandings and idiocricy. If you begin there then everything beyond that is a lie that will one day crumble and bury you in the rubble of what’s left. 


Emotions, People, Relationships

A Broken Canvas

     “Y’know, she/he loved me once upon a time”. The thought makes your mind marvel how some things change in an instant. One day, you’re with them, and you feel like they are the one you could’ve lived with for the rest of your life. The next… you are brokenhearted, now only strangers with shared memories.

       Heartbreak…it comes again and again, always having a new way for you to experience it. You thought you had already moved on from him/her and life was going great. Then you came across a long lost photo, a mutual close friend from the past, or a song that wrung the melody summing up all the feelings you’d ever felt for that person. The feelings are as strong as ever and leave you wondering “Could it have worked? Was it my fault? What if I had changed this or waited out the emotional storm. Would he/she still be mine?”

        There is a time when you will look back on all that you experienced with them and really truly appreciate those moments you shared. A bitter sweet sensation. Feeling the pain of separation after growing so close for so long. But simultaneously feeling the joy, love, desire, freedom and longing you once had when you were together.

        But you’ve learned from this… You did love them, you probably still do somewhere deep within you… But you are no longer “in love” with them. All the countless memories you shared, all those great times are times that probably won’t ever be erased from either of your minds. Unfortunately, too much damage, too many complications or whatever it was.. brought you, him/her, or both to the conclusion that it was time to say goodbye… One or the other, possibly even both agreeing that you tried to put the pieces together and they simply just wouldn’t fit mutually as one anymore maybe like they did before. It just simply wasn’t meant to be. Neither really wishes pain or sadness upon the other. You really did love them once upon a time and in the past when you were together, you would’ve wanted the best for them without even thinking twice about it. Deep down the heartache will always be there along with the thoughts of what you could’ve been. But time has past and things have changed since then. New people, new faces, new experiences, new opportunities. My hope is that you have found some sort of closure by accepting that letting go and moving on is better for the both of you and that you will find the one person who’s heart collides perfectly with your own.

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In A Sunflowers World

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Yours always ~BlondHeadedHunk~