Abstract, Life, People

Journey of Self

I thought to redefine self. Not yourself, myself. Perhaps it will be almost crushed and its very core burned to ashes in the process. The process is brutal, painful. Self needs purification so that it can be more than myself or yourself but ourselves. 

When said “Out with the Old and in with the New” what is that, to “self”? The mere thought of changing oneself is both awesome and terrifying. Before you can get the old out and the new in you must know yourself for who you truly are. The truth is painful, like bullets tearing through, as you look deep into your very soul. The light can only shine through the bullet holes left in your eyes. 

When ones honesty and faith are all but taken and lost, what is left behind? Maybe it’s a thought to deep to understand. Without these elements can I redefine myself? Can I even begin to know who I am…the fight to get both of these traits back is long and grueling and leaves me wondering if I will ever find that self I sought to understand. 

Self is broken by spirit, a constant fight back and forth, one trying to rule over the other. 

Talking is but a dull pain in ones side and thinking, like that of wading through water. The feat of taking step after step takes more resolve than climbing the highest mountain. The pain of pushing forward pulls against me like the undertow of the ocean trying to pull me under and wash me away where I will not return. 

When your face can no longer smile and soul can no longer breath from the toxins that float on the breath of every word you hear. The poison fills my blood, my body, the very essence that myself is built of seems saturated and pulls me deeper and deeper into a darkness so thick. Right, wrong, good, bad, all are lost to me. I gasp for pure air but all around me the world closes in. Will I ever understand self and find peace? My bones ache from frozen pain and bruises black from self rotting away as the poisons course through ever fiber of me. I will waste away and never know myself. 

Yet, somehow, the Stars still glow and the sky still blazes blue. The hue of a reflection; a simple wave of understanding. A thoughtful action, an endless meaning, but what lies in the darkness waiting for me in my journey is far to fearful to face alone. Am I a life stuck, walking, and lost forever in Limbo? 

Can a life stop at a Rest Haven? Can my journey lead me to such a place away from this pain and suffering. A place where spirits and sorrows intertwine together in a beautiful yet horrifying collision of dreams and nightmares…

~BlondeHeadedHunk~

Credit: This post was adapted by a submission from ~Malachi~ 

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