Life, Personal Note, Thoughts

My Life, My Choice

One can’t always place what it is that keeps them awake and their mind busy. It’s like your mind is running wild while not disclosing what keeps it busy. Some trouble deep within stirs and keeps you tossing and turning wondering what’s wrong. Eventually you may come up with some “problem” that doesn’t exist but gives you solace that you understand yourself, only to learn that the “issue” isn’t even relevant. Thank you, brain, we all are greatful for your ability to over think life and keep us awake. Yet the troubles still swarm in my mind and keep my eyes from shutting. 

Aside from that, I find myself debating the next step in life. There are always options, but none ever pop out to you and say “pick me!” Despite weighing pros and cons and considering for hours and hours which would be best I am still at a loss for what to choose next. Maybe the answer is plane and the only thing holding me back is others opinions. 

Where is the balance between taking someone’s wisdom and following that and following what you think would be the best option? I’m sure some would say “follow your heart” while others would argue that the wisdom of others is invaluable. I am sure there is a balance between the two but it is lost on me. One choice leaves the opinions of others less than approving while the other choice is a general consensus of the correct choice. I know that in the end I am the one that must live with the choice though, and that’s where I am left to sit and ponder.

May the decisions come easy and the choices be rewarding. 

~ BlondHeadedHunk ~

Abstract, Life, People

Journey of Self

I thought to redefine self. Not yourself, myself. Perhaps it will be almost crushed and its very core burned to ashes in the process. The process is brutal, painful. Self needs purification so that it can be more than myself or yourself but ourselves. 

When said “Out with the Old and in with the New” what is that, to “self”? The mere thought of changing oneself is both awesome and terrifying. Before you can get the old out and the new in you must know yourself for who you truly are. The truth is painful, like bullets tearing through, as you look deep into your very soul. The light can only shine through the bullet holes left in your eyes. 

When ones honesty and faith are all but taken and lost, what is left behind? Maybe it’s a thought to deep to understand. Without these elements can I redefine myself? Can I even begin to know who I am…the fight to get both of these traits back is long and grueling and leaves me wondering if I will ever find that self I sought to understand. 

Self is broken by spirit, a constant fight back and forth, one trying to rule over the other. 

Talking is but a dull pain in ones side and thinking, like that of wading through water. The feat of taking step after step takes more resolve than climbing the highest mountain. The pain of pushing forward pulls against me like the undertow of the ocean trying to pull me under and wash me away where I will not return. 

When your face can no longer smile and soul can no longer breath from the toxins that float on the breath of every word you hear. The poison fills my blood, my body, the very essence that myself is built of seems saturated and pulls me deeper and deeper into a darkness so thick. Right, wrong, good, bad, all are lost to me. I gasp for pure air but all around me the world closes in. Will I ever understand self and find peace? My bones ache from frozen pain and bruises black from self rotting away as the poisons course through ever fiber of me. I will waste away and never know myself. 

Yet, somehow, the Stars still glow and the sky still blazes blue. The hue of a reflection; a simple wave of understanding. A thoughtful action, an endless meaning, but what lies in the darkness waiting for me in my journey is far to fearful to face alone. Am I a life stuck, walking, and lost forever in Limbo? 

Can a life stop at a Rest Haven? Can my journey lead me to such a place away from this pain and suffering. A place where spirits and sorrows intertwine together in a beautiful yet horrifying collision of dreams and nightmares…


Credit: This post was adapted by a submission from ~Malachi~ 

Color, Poetry

Dark Nights, Strange Thoughts

I don’t claim to be poetic at all but I was messing with some rhymes tonight and thought you all might enjoy reading what I wrote. Sorry if it’s not according to poetic rules but please enjoy it despite.

1.Colors on the canvas appear

Swirling together in a rainbow so clear

If the colors weren’t so bright

My heart would have to be a light

In my life of colors appear

My feelings now become so clear

In her eye I see the tear

The heart, the souls together as one

If only she could see the sun

Her life, her breath

Gone today, it is her death

My colors and hers, once combined

Now there’s nothing left behind. 

2. The rhythm, the beats, this life completes

Her heart, my source of joy, competes

But as she’s gone my canvas fades

Inside of me the feelings betrayed

My loss, my gain, I’ve gone insane

So here I stand before this train

My soul drifts on to further heights

My heart ne’er to shine a light

I’ll send the rain to dampen your pain

Hold fast and strong and lift the weight

I bid my last and final strain 

3. I paint my final canvas now

Dark so dark there is no light

To some I stand and others bow

I walk along this path alone

My heroes gone, he’s out of sight

I’ve lost my hope, I’ve gone too far

The path, so drear, has taken my soul

In its place a gashing scar

Take my place, to you I extol 

Be strong my son, be strong my friend

Don’t ever go around that bend

If you should, never lose sight

Of what is wrong and what is right 

As I said, I’m not a poet but a friend liked these and said I should post them so here they are. If you have any thoughts, want more posts like this or think they are just plain horrible I’m interested to hear. Until tomorrow, as always