Life, People, Thoughts, Travel

Perhaps; A Small Perhaps

Perhaps the word bleak best describes the humming of the engine mixed with the music from my headphones. The sounds swirling together becoming one continuous buzz that seems to be the sound track to something greater. 

I look down and see the clouds out the window looking more like snow capped mountains than anything else as the sun begins the rise. The hints of orange just touching the edges of the horizon. I dim my window again to block out the impending light that will steal the sleep from my weary mind. 

The flight is nearing half way, time seems to pass at a crawl now. I’m stuck in my seat due to the two sleeping passengers beside me. Little to no hope of ever getting out of my seat until they awaken or I decide I have a dire need to get out. For now I am content to just remain here. 

I watched The Great Gatsby. I had started reading the book long ago but it never captured my attention. Now the movie has my mind wondering over life and how what seems and what is are rarely the same thing. Trust is rarely a luxury that can be afforded to most and should only be found in the company of few. 

Perhaps the state in which I am cannot be explained by scenes or by words but by sounds. Music seems to picture the mood of a person far better than any pen or brush ever has. The poets, the painters, the great artists of times past all have a place but a sound, though it may not live forever, will capture a moment sometimes best of all. Perhaps really less a moment, as a brush paints a picture, but more a mood of a moment as can only be replicated by the ebb and flow of the rhythm and the melody intertwining together into something more than two parts. But in the end are one, together communicating what is meant to be heard by that which felt it originally. 

Words, written time and time again. Letters that can be found everywhere. A word travels through time from its birth and perhaps to its death. One word born today and another lost tomorrow. Endlessly through time they travel, bringing a message from the past and conveying it to the future.

~ BlondHeadedHunk ~ 

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Abstract, Life, People

Journey of Self

I thought to redefine self. Not yourself, myself. Perhaps it will be almost crushed and its very core burned to ashes in the process. The process is brutal, painful. Self needs purification so that it can be more than myself or yourself but ourselves. 

When said “Out with the Old and in with the New” what is that, to “self”? The mere thought of changing oneself is both awesome and terrifying. Before you can get the old out and the new in you must know yourself for who you truly are. The truth is painful, like bullets tearing through, as you look deep into your very soul. The light can only shine through the bullet holes left in your eyes. 

When ones honesty and faith are all but taken and lost, what is left behind? Maybe it’s a thought to deep to understand. Without these elements can I redefine myself? Can I even begin to know who I am…the fight to get both of these traits back is long and grueling and leaves me wondering if I will ever find that self I sought to understand. 

Self is broken by spirit, a constant fight back and forth, one trying to rule over the other. 

Talking is but a dull pain in ones side and thinking, like that of wading through water. The feat of taking step after step takes more resolve than climbing the highest mountain. The pain of pushing forward pulls against me like the undertow of the ocean trying to pull me under and wash me away where I will not return. 

When your face can no longer smile and soul can no longer breath from the toxins that float on the breath of every word you hear. The poison fills my blood, my body, the very essence that myself is built of seems saturated and pulls me deeper and deeper into a darkness so thick. Right, wrong, good, bad, all are lost to me. I gasp for pure air but all around me the world closes in. Will I ever understand self and find peace? My bones ache from frozen pain and bruises black from self rotting away as the poisons course through ever fiber of me. I will waste away and never know myself. 

Yet, somehow, the Stars still glow and the sky still blazes blue. The hue of a reflection; a simple wave of understanding. A thoughtful action, an endless meaning, but what lies in the darkness waiting for me in my journey is far to fearful to face alone. Am I a life stuck, walking, and lost forever in Limbo? 

Can a life stop at a Rest Haven? Can my journey lead me to such a place away from this pain and suffering. A place where spirits and sorrows intertwine together in a beautiful yet horrifying collision of dreams and nightmares…

~BlondeHeadedHunk~

Credit: This post was adapted by a submission from ~Malachi~ 

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Advice, Color, People, Thoughts

Colors of Life

I think life is vibrant, despite its disparity, it has great possibility. It’s all about how you look at it. Happiness is a choice and is dependent upon what you choose, not on what others do. It is not cause and effect; in the sense someone else causes and you are effected. Rather you cause and effect your own happiness and enjoyment of life. There are repercussion of your choices and those repercussions can effect those around you but they begin with you in the simplest form. There are times you cannot choose or it is very difficult to choose at least. However I do think happiness is somewhat relative to us vs. based on someone else. Even depression for some isn’t based on someone else. Its not something you can change always but it is still relative to you, not coming from another source all together. I think its far to easy to blame others for our problems and make them the cause of, what in our eyes, is a deplorable existence on a doomed planet.

I am currently in a situation where I can’t say I always choose to be happy and honestly I hate to admit that its even a choice at all because that means I can change it. However if you are honest with yourself 100% and really stop to look at why you are unhappy, can you honestly blame it on someone else? Maybe right off hand you can say “Yes I can, my ex did this to me” or “My boss said this today” but that means you have no opportunity in life to choose your own destiny. It is all someone else’s choice for us. That leaves you powerless and destined to ride out your days in the hands of someone who you may or may not entirely hate (or strongly dislike).

I may have said all this before in some form or another but with being in the place I am now where I have to basically choose on a daily basis to be happy it brings the idea back around. Yes there are times when things happen and maybe you will spend a day or to upset, sad, seeing no colors in your life from day to day but eventually that pain subsides. For some they can push the pain away sooner than others, move on, let go, feel the happiness shine in like the sun on a rainy day. Some feel that the pain is a way of healing perhaps, or a part of the healing process. I can’t speak for all, I can only speak for me. I tend to cut the ties, cut the pain, cut the heartbreak and move on quickly. I don’t enjoy hurting (unless its a rainy day and I’m lying in bed listening to sad music, then it can feel kinda nice to revel in the pain and disparity) but I do my best to move on from it. I’m not telling you how to live your life or even trying to give you a magic antidote. As always its just another opinion I figured I would throw out to the world to read and come to your own conclusion.

Let the grey go, lets the colors in. Life is full of them, you just have to let them shine through.

~BlondHeadedHunk~

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Friends, Friendships, Life, People, Thoughts

Little Things

It’s amazing how the simple things in life are really what makes life. The laughs with friends about gifs, random late night talks and the deep thoughts you connect on. When someone buys you a coffee or goes with you to dinner. When someone tells you they enjoyed what you wrote or appreciated the seemingly unnoticed thing you did. All the little things add up and make life really enjoyable and worthwhile. 

It seems like these days people forget that, the world is constantly upset about something and never can seem to pause and realize that amongst all the bad there is still good things happening everyday. When was the last time you did something small then brighten someone else’s day? Could be an extra tip to your waitress/waiter or paying for the coffee of the person behind you in the drive through. Could be just telling someone thank you or giving them a small compliment. If everyone did this I think the world would be a better place to live, more enjoyable, healthier, happier and all around just less negative. I’m grateful for the people in my life, are you? I don’t know if I tell them enough but nonetheless I try to make their day a little better in some way. Life is give and take, the more you put in the more you get out. Maybe you should give a little so you can get a little. Not every road is a one way street, turn down the ones you can and blast your happiness to those that live on it. Let them know you want to help them and I’m sure they will one day help you. So thank you to everyone who not only reads my posts but to my friends who encourage me everyday to continue writing. Shoutout to the GingerGirl and Mal and so many others, you guys keep me posting and I know I just recently did kind of a thank you post but tonight I realize how important it is to have great friends. Keep loving, laughing and giving y’all! 

~BlondHeadedHunk~

P.S. I will be working on a couple posts this week but if anyone has something they want me to write about, please comment. Not gonna lie, my brains been runnin a bit dry.

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Forgiveness, Friends, People, Word of the Reader

Mercy

I couldn’t wait on this post, there’s a lot I could say here.

Most might see mercy and think of the literal meaning of mercy, however when I think of mercy I think of a healer. Restoration comes to mind, mercy from someone can not only heal you but can boost you to new heights. It can power you up to be a better person. To fight harder, longer and with more strength for them than if they only gave you one chance. 

Mercy, a play on words to some, and some of you have no idea what I mean. You see, I am a gamer as well as a blogger and one of my favorite titles is Overwatch. Mercy is a healer and can be the difference between life and death. In fact, I want to take a moment and give Mal a shoutout for being the best mercy I have ever played with in Overwatch! I actually became friends with her when playing 3v3 and got her on my team as a random person and she was such a good mercy that we became friends. So if you play overwatch (Xbox only) and need an awesome healer you might see if you can snag her! Besides being an awesome Mercy (and anything else she plays) Mal is the first person to comment on my most recent post, so thank you for being an avid reader of my blog! Your the best! 

Deeper though, mercy can restore you in real life, when you mess up sometimes it is easy to beat yourself up. You forgot your girlfriends anniversary, forgot your little boys soccer game, or maybe you completely messed up and made the unforgivable mistake (whatever that might be). Immediately, when you realize it, it’s easy to be the one who kicks yourself even lower until you feel like less of a human than the dirt you walk on. At that moment, when mercy is showed you by the right person, it brings you back up. They remind you that you’re still important to them, they heal you and help you remember you mean something to them more than the small act you forgot to do or the mistake you made.

~BlondHeadedHunk~

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Advice, Life, People, Stress

Pressure Me Not

Pressure, in a word, a force put upon an object. In life, that deadline from your teacher on a homework assignment. Your boss telling you to turn that report in and the lady at Starbucks asking for your order. 

Pressure is everywhere pushing us to do something at any given time. What if the pressure was removed? Is pressure like gravity? Except instead of holding us to the earth it pushes us forward in life to accomplish the next objective? Even games have pressure. Think of your favorite board game, video game, computer game, they all pressure you to accomplish something in order to win. Remove that pressure and then what? Would life stop? Without it could the drive that makes life go round stop in its tracks and our goals float away? A lot of unanswered questions there and I can’t say I have an answer to them. I could speculate that there is a good and bad side to the pressure of life. It can make us stressed, but there’s lots of fulfillment when the task is accomplished and the deadline gone. Take that away and you would lose joy. 

Perhaps…I actually don’t have anything to put after that perhaps. To be honest I could say I feel a certain amount of pressure to post a blog daily or else I lose my readers interest and attention. Without that though, I would not post and for some of you, that might be a sad day. But back to the matter at hand.

The things that push us in life to make decisions and to choose the next step can be handled in different ways. Some of us enjoy the push, others wither under it and are driven to avoid it at all cost. Some at the cost of life itself. 

So how do you handle that pressure from everyone around you? Well my concept that I use on a daily basis is focus on what’s important. Focus on the task at hand and don’t let others press you to do what they think you should. When I go to order at a restaurant and the waiter asks what I want and I don’t know, I ask what they recommend. Maybe we could diffuse the pressure by simply allowing others to help us make some decisions. Let another in, ask their opinion and don’t do it all yourself. They are the pin to your balloon, in a sense, used to relieve the pressures of life and the constant push so that you can relax instead of running all the time. 

Let someone help you, don’t be a “One man show”. Put a pin in your pressure balloon and deflate that bitch before it deflates you.

~BlondHeadedHunk~

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Emotions, People, Relationships

A Broken Canvas

     “Y’know, she/he loved me once upon a time”. The thought makes your mind marvel how some things change in an instant. One day, you’re with them, and you feel like they are the one you could’ve lived with for the rest of your life. The next… you are brokenhearted, now only strangers with shared memories.

       Heartbreak…it comes again and again, always having a new way for you to experience it. You thought you had already moved on from him/her and life was going great. Then you came across a long lost photo, a mutual close friend from the past, or a song that wrung the melody summing up all the feelings you’d ever felt for that person. The feelings are as strong as ever and leave you wondering “Could it have worked? Was it my fault? What if I had changed this or waited out the emotional storm. Would he/she still be mine?”

        There is a time when you will look back on all that you experienced with them and really truly appreciate those moments you shared. A bitter sweet sensation. Feeling the pain of separation after growing so close for so long. But simultaneously feeling the joy, love, desire, freedom and longing you once had when you were together.

        But you’ve learned from this… You did love them, you probably still do somewhere deep within you… But you are no longer “in love” with them. All the countless memories you shared, all those great times are times that probably won’t ever be erased from either of your minds. Unfortunately, too much damage, too many complications or whatever it was.. brought you, him/her, or both to the conclusion that it was time to say goodbye… One or the other, possibly even both agreeing that you tried to put the pieces together and they simply just wouldn’t fit mutually as one anymore maybe like they did before. It just simply wasn’t meant to be. Neither really wishes pain or sadness upon the other. You really did love them once upon a time and in the past when you were together, you would’ve wanted the best for them without even thinking twice about it. Deep down the heartache will always be there along with the thoughts of what you could’ve been. But time has past and things have changed since then. New people, new faces, new experiences, new opportunities. My hope is that you have found some sort of closure by accepting that letting go and moving on is better for the both of you and that you will find the one person who’s heart collides perfectly with your own.

Written by:

GingerGirlSunflower

In A Sunflowers World

Edited by:

Yours always ~BlondHeadedHunk~

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